woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
