Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
