I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Green mimosas i think yes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
