Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
