and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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