Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
