It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
