i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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