Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
