My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
