the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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