Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
