I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
