Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
