You made me cry and you don't even care
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
