Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The adults are the big ones right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize