I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
