i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
