It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
