I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
