piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
