yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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