i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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