He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
