You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
