When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
