im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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