I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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