remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
