A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
