he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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