What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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