What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
