I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Vodka?
Forever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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