i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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