are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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