He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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