Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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