i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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