My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
