I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
