I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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