sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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