It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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