Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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