GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
