lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
