he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you never un-have a 4some
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
