4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
