Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
