Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
