So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
