she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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