We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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