remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
