I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
