She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
