We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize