new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
