she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
