I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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