Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize