conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
